Archived Discussion Topic

the ultimate cost. of moving to aus.       started by charlieroberts on 22 May 2007   (13617)
Message InfoMessage
From charlieroberts

22 May 2007 10:44 PM
hey guys long time no see. not sure if i should post this. but its about returning to blighty. so if you dont wont me to pee on your chips.. look away now. we came last august. i wouldn't say i love the place, but think that has something to do with the currant situation, but moving to australia may have cost the ultimate price. my wife and children returned to blighty last week. she wasn't happy here. the kids liked it, but they are young (10 & 7) and will settle anywhere really. she missed the safety, the familiarity, her family, her friends, etc.. her heart wasn't in it. not as much as mine is. she has made some great friends here. they are upset. i have to decide what i want/have to do. i've wanted this since 1989. now i have it. its cost me my family. so sandra, and anyone else who feels like shit. you're not alone. when you're here, its too late. you buy a house you get settled, you make friends, you create a new life. as i see it, you can only do those things if you leave blighty well behind you. men seem to find it easier then women. as it seems. perhaps thats cos they go to work straight away. dont know for sure. but it does help you accept the move. simply by keeping busy. but who knows how they will feel untill they give it ago. ? . by all means give it ago. but it is harder to live and to work in australia. those that say it isn't have plenty of money and both partners have the same feelings about australia. they like it. if one partner likes it, and one doesn't. then you have a problem heading your way. which could result in - do you love australia more then your family? all the best with your quest for those who are making the move. i'm ok. for now. planned to have beans on toast for tea. ran out of beans so just had toast. charlie. .
From jimboman

To charlieroberts

22 May 2007 11:19 PM
Maureen and I had a chat about this sort of thing the other week. She was worried that if I loved it and the kids loved it, but she hated it, we wouldn't come back and she would end up living there but miserable. We have agreed, that if any one of us hates it that much, after our two year 'toughing it out' period, we will all come back. I haven't agreed this because I want to put her mind at rest, I have said it because it would not be fair for any one of us to be genuinly miserable. I hope things do work for us, but you don't know unless you try. At least you have tried. All the best JIM
From V_Pollard

To charlieroberts

23 May 2007 12:05 AM
Hi Charlie, Sorry to hear about your situation, Am i right in thinking you kind of knew your missus didnt want to go to Oz in the first place? if so then im sorry but you was destined to Fail! If my fella didnt want to go we just simply wouldnt go! As for letting them go home and you staying there- are you a MADMAN? How must they feel? You have let your wife, and 2 kids go home and you havent gone with them! stop being so bloody selfish!!!! I Am sorry if i sound harsh but hey take a long hard look at yourself, your wife & kids should come first! Get your beans & toast eaten and get yourself back to blighty to be with your KIDS!!!!! Vicky
From Kieren

To V_Pollard

23 May 2007 1:49 AM
Actually Vicky, I DO think thats a bit harsh. Are you in Aus yet yourself?? I personally know Charlie and his family, and consider myself to be good friends of theirs. As already mentioned by someone - choose your words carefully. How would you feel being in the same situation? Think hard about it. You all talk and discuss the move over to Aus (not you personally, but you as a general migrating family statement), and though you THINK the whole family is behind you, and you talk about it over long drawn out nights, and you still think in your mind that you are all up for it, but when you get here and one of you just really doesn't want to be there and decides enoughs enough, and hell or high water wont stop them from going back, what do you do? Your whole dream has been to move to Aus and all the preparation and talks and planning have been done, and when you get there your partner drops a bombshell on you, what would YOU do? This decision happened very fast, with very little time or option for Charlie to have actually done much, even if he had wanted to (I refuse to go into a personal discussion about his family here, period). The whole moving your family to another part of the country is one thing, but moving them half way around the world takes a MASSIVE amount of dedication, stress and preparation by all (adults and those old enough) concerned. Especially if there is strong family/friendship ties that are being left behind. Its a tough decision for anyone to make. As a family unit, had they all decided to return together then his feelings may have been different. Recent talk on here of 'oh, its just too hot' and 'oh, I just cant afford my pool and Falcon XR8 Turbo that I really wanted' are pretty p!ss poor excuses for the 'wanting to go home' brigade. Charlies dilemma is far greater than that, and I sincerely hope he manages to sort something out. Because of the move, and something I know he never thought lightly about, he has now paid the ultimate price and his family up and left. I take my hat off to the bloke for actually coming out on this forum and declaring it. Did he make a mistake in moving to Aus? I don't think so. He gave it his best and thought he was doing the best for his family. Unfortunately, it never quite worked out. Charlie, you know how we (and thats the collective we) feel about you guys, and you know we will support and help in any decision you decide to make. But - and this is the hardest bit to say - theres only you who knows what you have to do for the best, and what suits you and yours. And before the 'not another negative post' brigade start, treat this as some thinking material as to wether or not YOU are doing the right thing in moving. I posted this as conservatively I could, so I hope I have not offended or anything similar. Charlie: wishing you all the strength in the world fella to get through this dilemma.... KIEREN, RACHEL, HOLLY and the gang.
From V_Pollard

To asa

23 May 2007 2:08 AM
Hi all, bad girl here! my comments earlier do seem harsh i agree, and maybe i dont know all the facts, so to charlie i say sorry for kicking you when you are down! I just feel that he knew his wife didnt want to go to Oz in the first place, she didnt go on the Rekkie and by his own admission she probably wouldnt have gone through with the move if she had! he says that not me! also he says he must decide what to do - which i read as go back or not! should that be a difficult choice considering he has 2 children now in uk? would anyone disagree with that? I am not heartless by any means but noone should put their own dreams ahead of their family, especially their kids! now i accept i dont have the facts, But i am only going by what charlie himself has wrote. Vicky
From jimboman

To V_Pollard

23 May 2007 2:21 AM
Charlie stating that had his wife gone on the rekkie, she wouldn't have emigrated, is a statement made with hindsight. Chances are, she would have loved it. People go on rekkies and love the place then emigrate and hate it. A rekkie is a holiday, no matter how you look at it. You can rent a house and try and 'live the life', but you won't be working and juggling family life, you will be visiting tourist attractions, going to the beach and eating out a lot. When my mum and dad emigrated in 1971, there was no rekkie. Many of the people we went over with on the boat, split up, re-married, some died, some went back. These are all things that happen in normal life. They don't stop happening just because you move to the other side of the planet. What has happened with Charlie, could have happened any place anytime (and to anyone).
From Traceycharters

To V_Pollard

23 May 2007 4:16 AM
I can see after reading this post why YOU HAVE NO PROFILE ON HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
From happyaslarry

To Marshy

23 May 2007 9:33 AM
Sorry Charlie, but I'm struggling to feel sorry for you. I tend to agree with Vicky and the 'feel sorry for me with just toast' line is a dead giveaway. It's your poor family, I feel sorry for. Are you seriously contemplating Aus v's your wife and children ? I suspect from all your previous posts on here that you enjoy the limelight whatever 'the ultimate cost'. HAL
From Kieren

To happyaslarry

23 May 2007 11:20 AM
HAL and Vicky. Lets hope you don't find yourselves in the same situation, eh, as you just never know whats round the corner. Oh well, tough sh!t if you do........ KIEREN
From Ljenks

To Kieren

23 May 2007 11:54 AM
Kieran Well said - I thought it was really brave for Charlie to have posted that message. For some of us it is a difficult journey and not everyone can see it through. There have been many other aussiemovers who have been in the same situation and have quietly moved back to the UK. It could happen to anyone so who are we to judge - I thought the idea of this forum was to support other migrants and provide information - not kick someone when they're down.
From david

To happyaslarry

23 May 2007 4:14 PM
hi hal i think thats quite a judgement you have made on someone when really all you know is what you have read on a short message posted on didnt come across to me like charlie was on a pity party trip. it seemed like someone who needed to talk and the man has friends on here (and i dont know him by the way). to hear you, one would think he is a hard hearted git. unless you are faced with a situation and know the full circumstances you really havent a clue about whats going on in someone life. its been my experience that people with little perfect worlds whos big problems seem to be things like will we get brown bread or white for a sandwich or my goldfish has died, these are the people who make dumb ass judgements on people. maybe you would have went back to the uk with your family. i know i would, but thats you and me. so, if its not in you to dress a wound, then dont rub salt in it. in your post you have come across as one of two things, either your the hard hearted one or an asshole, you choose. david
From V_Pollard

To flojo

23 May 2007 6:41 PM
Hi Everyone, Ok so im a heartless Bitch!! Wrong! But perhaps i was a bit hasty. Your all right, i dont have all the facts, and my comments were harsh. for which i have apologised to charlie! Again i reiterate that i was only going on the facts Charlie gave us in his post! My intenrion for posting was mainly to give charlie a bit of a kick up the arse! People go through bad shit all the time- and i am no exception, especially when it comes to selfish men!!(not that im saying your selfish charlie-i just thought you sounded it!) I read it that his wife didnt want to be in Oz, dont think she ever wanted to go, and now shes returned with his kids. Now he has 2 options- 1. go back to be with them! 2. Stay in Oz, mull it over & feel sorry for yourself! what i am saying is sometimes people get in a bad situation and they need a kick up the backside! Feeding there self pity will not help them!!!! I sincerely hope that charlie picks himself up & goes back to uk, wether he sorts stuff out with his wife or not he WILL be there for his kids! And more importantly i hope he finds happiness!! Attack me all you want folks but for the women out there with kids - if you went out to oz and didnt like it, you decided to return to uk with your kids, and you husband, father of your children decides to stay in oz, how would you feel?? If your seperated or not is not an issue, you dont divorce your kids!! Charlie I do wish you all the best love - but for god sake go to be with your kids or you will be miserable wherever you live! Vicky!!
From jimboman

To mattthebutcher

23 May 2007 11:38 PM
The main thing wrong with this thread, is the title. I don't know the circumstances. I don't know the bloke. But the fact is, problems happen wherever you are. It maybe isn't the 'ultimate cost of moving to Aus'. Maybe it is 'a sad event that would have happened anyway'. Stressfull times will always bring underlying problems to the surface. I can't think of anything more stressfull than what we are all doing or contemplating doing (or have already done). One of the problems with a site like this, is that it is tempting to share problems, but at the same time, who are you sharing them with? There are loads of people who read this site who don't even have a login (just look at the guest count). Also, it is very easy to have a radical opinion, when you are tapping on a keyboard far from risking a punch on the nose. A good approach to using this site, is to imagine being in a room with the people you are talking with or about. Would you say the same things? Maybe, but more likely maybe not.
From ginalouise

To V_Pollard

24 May 2007 1:56 AM
I don't think that you a heartless bitch. You are a pragmatist. I am moving to Oz in about 6 weeks, if I hate it and everyone else loves it I will not go back to England. A place is what you make it. People are much the same the world over once you go beyond the social front. Moving country doesn't buy anyone happiness. If your miserable in the UK or Oz Prozac would probably be of more use than moving.
From coopersrfive

To charlieroberts

27 May 2007 10:25 PM
Good luck! to all of u we both have good days and bad i miss my mum and i wish she was here to watch the kids grow up (yes we have skype) and yes i do like it here, hopefully when i go to work i will not be as down. no body knows how they will feel until they are living the life, and some people like us love both countries and dont know where to be for the best. take care where ever u are x Lauren