Archived Discussion Topic

Is anyone else thinking of returning to UK ?       started by cindy42 on 25 May 2010   (22841)
Message InfoMessage
From cindy42

25 May 2010 9:56 PM
(108494)
I know this can be an emotive subject but was just wondering if anyone else is thinking of returning to the UK. Hubby and I have discussed going back quite a few times. We have even sat down and put a list together of pros and cons for staying. Objectively their are more reasons to stay then to go back. But neither of us can quite let go. Our children are the main reason we came to give them a better future....Perth is lovely, beautiful beaches but i find it very expensive to live. I've had many people say to me that 'blightly is going to the dogs', 'you must be mad if you are thinking of going back' etc. They are probably right to some degree. I've gone full circle feeling guilty about leaving family/grandparents back in the UK - to feeling guilty about leaving OZ. Our children are happy here which is fantastic but hubby and i are not as happy. This is anxiety provoking stuff. If anyone is thinking about going back,i would be grateful to hear your thoughts or what your going through. thanks cindy
From Trudie

To cindy42

25 May 2010 10:08 PM
(108495)
My thoughts are with you at this difficult time and decision making i really do feel for you both. I am not thinking of going back as i know this is the best thing for my family and I, but the reason i can feel for you is that we did go back august 2008 only to spend an awful lot of money to return august 2009. Try and get a career break from work dont sell up and go back for a few months that is all it took for me to make the decision to come back. I know i went back for the family and guilt but to be honest things had changed people had moved on! i also didnt realise on how much time we spent out here as a very close family. When we got back to the uk in the daily grind we lost sight of that and our children are the important ones to think about (which i am sure that is all you are thinking about)! you dont realise what you have got until it is gone. The girls wouldnt want to go back now and are loving and living life to the full. Yes it is expensive and you need to budget alot more depending on what you want to do but the lifestyle and opportunities are fantastic out here. we are now building our home and working for the same emplyers that we left before and have a wider circle of friends. That is because our outlook this time was so much different and we made the extra effort. you can pm me if you need anymore info!! and please excuse any spelling mistakes!! take care Trudie
From cindy42

To Trudie

25 May 2010 10:27 PM
(108496)
Hi Trudie Thank you for such a lovely and quick reply. You are so right in many of the things you say, especially about the children. We do spend more time as a family, my hubby worked away a lot back in the UK. However, work for me here involves a lot of travelling to and from work. My average working day is 11hrs and at times feel so tired. The kids want mom to be more involved and i am 'present' for a lot of things with them but usually too tired to participate. So whilst we do spend more time together as a family the quality of that is not the best. We are planning a holiday back to blighty and i think your suggestion of a career break is something i need to seriously consider. I do love OZ, but we both have this incredible unease. It's so hard to actually put it into words or describe it. We want to make the right to decision for our kids, of course, but it's hard at the moment. Thanks again Cindy x
From Trudie

To cindy42

25 May 2010 11:43 PM
(108497)
NO problem for the quick response!! i know when i first went back for a holiday 2 weeks felt like nothing had changed but then when your back for good it is so different!! what work is it you do out here?? i work mainly 9-5 but did shift work of 12 hour days in the UK so i know how it feels to be too tired to be bothered! we are going back for a holiday next year as my sister had her baby in march just gone so would like to see him. But i know it is for a holiday and couldnt be happier out here. Also i think i needed to go back to feel at ease with the decision. may cost alot of money but it was worth it to know what we all wanted out of life as a family. Just make one promise to yourselves and that is dont go back out of guilt!! (like i did) XX
From thefurns

To cindy42

26 May 2010 2:59 AM
(108499)
Hi.....to say uk has gone to the dogs is complete rubbish.Yes its had its problems as many countries around the world are experiencing however life goes on & one has to make the best of life wherever ones living.Yes Australia has many positives but so does the uk,you have to go out & find the oppertunities these days,they will not just jump into your lap.Alot ofpeople who emigrate go for the right reasons but there are also a very high percentage that run away because they basically have failed in the uk & also in many cases want to escape debt! Believe me there is a good future here aswell & greatly depends where you choose to live,the south coast,Dorset,Hampshire etc are fabulous counties with Europe just a stones throw away. Apologies for being controversial but thats just how it is.
From simonc

To thefurns

26 May 2010 3:11 PM
(108503)
Agreed. It's swings and roundabouts, people moan a lot more back there about how crappy the country is whereas the Aussies are full of pride for their nation and as far as most are concerned it is the best country in the world to live even if they have never been out of it. The problem is that in England, it is very difficult not to get subconsciously hypnotised into thinking its crap due to all the moaning and bad press we gave ourselves and lack of national pride. Where I lived in England was fantastic and reckon I could move back. I would miss the space, weather and ocean though. To Cindy, this has been covered here many times before, on average you need around 2-3 years to get your head around it, but it really depends on who you are.
From mohamm

To cindy42

26 May 2010 4:50 PM
(108504)
Cindy42 - It takes a minimum of two years to even start getting over the feeling of displacement and to begin thinking of Australia as home and becoming truly settled. Integration will always consist of highs and lows as Ned Kelly said
From cindy42

To Trudie

26 May 2010 7:27 PM
(108505)
Hi Trudie, Thanks again for your reply. I think once we have been back to the UK for a holiday it will help with making the final decison (either way). We have agreed to explore a trip back this sept. thefurns and simon C thank you for responding and i too agree with some of the things you have said. The UK has always been good to me and my family. Thank you to everyone who has pm'd me and your reassuring words. Cindy x
From cindy42

To mohamm

26 May 2010 7:39 PM
(108506)
thanks mohamm for you response. I agree with your statement 'Through the low times of homesickness you need to stand back and evaluate why you made the monumental decision to migrate.'
From jimboman

To simonc

26 May 2010 8:03 PM
(108507)
The UK hasn't gone to the dogs as such but life in the UK is generally harder than here. I also think that it will get harder as time moves on. That said, moving here does not instantly make your life easier. For at least a few years, your life will be harder than it ever was in the UK. You won't know anybody, people will talk about stuff at work that goes right over your head and the famous person who wins the gold logie will be someone you have never heard of but everyone else grew up with. After a few years though, you will know who Skyhooks were and you will recognise Bert 'Moonface' Newton. You may even take sides in the great Holden V Ford debate at work. You may even find yourself giving directions to a new arrival like I did this Tuesday. Hang in there. The worst thing you could do to your kids right now would be to take them back to the UK. Kids need a settled environment wherever that is. Moving them around the planet a few times in their early years will not do them any good at all.
From simonc

To jimboman

26 May 2010 8:19 PM
(108508)
Recently Ive been watching Aussie Rules and have not been thinking it as total shit for meat heads, that must be a milestone.
From me2you

To cindy42

26 May 2010 11:28 PM
(108512)
Having been where you are now (both physically and emotionally) I completely understand how you must be feeling. We were 3 years plus in Australia and came back to england at the end of last year and it was (for us) the best thing we have ever done - we are definately stopping here now! Reasons for going back to england were mainly a constant feeling of 'is this it?' and not being able to get over the missing of our loved ones. Also, we worked more hours for less money so our quality of life suffered in Australia and we found ourselves less able to take holidays, have weekends away etc. Funnily enough, one of my kids didn't want to come back and now she is the one who is happiest and has settled back in the quickest (11 year old girl). Having holidayed in Australia many times prior to emigrating, i was shocked at how quickly we bored of the beach lifestyle once living there. The exchange rate is good for returnees at the moment but it is probably one of the most difficult times work wise which may get worse with the proposed budget cuts to come. There is a feeling of doom and gloom in the UK at the moment, although none of my friends or family have been laid off,or had to hawk their gold filings etc. There is lots about australia that I like - although unlike a previous poster, I found them very racist and the 'fair go' thing a load of rubbish - my experience. Perth is like an old boys network of 'not what you know but who you know'/which private school your kids went to etc. On the plus side, it has relatively low crime, the weather is good for most of the year and if you love the beach you will be in heaven. I would still go back for holidays and to visit our friends but can honestly say I have no desire to live there anymore. I do agree that it takes time to be able to trust your feelings - some people 'know' after a short period of time that its not for them but overall I do agree that you've got to give it a while. If nothing else, you at least wont have the feeling of 'did we give it long enough' if you do come back and miss bits of your Australian life. any questions about anything specific - send me a PM. good luck with your decision.
From jimboman

To simonc

27 May 2010 6:37 PM
(108516)
At least when you watch Aussie rules here, you are watching the countries best sportsmen in action, even if you don't really understand the game. You can watch soccer (Perth Glory) and all you will see is third rate players who can't get into the EPL (or even the screwfix league for that matter). If you want to see a premiership player over here, you have to wait 20 years until they are a washed up has been desperate for a few quid in their autumn years. Even then, they will probably spend half the season on the bench.
From Mindblower

To jimboman

27 May 2010 7:24 PM
(108517)
Good all round comments and observations I ain't throwing the towel in yet, come too far, sacrificed too much for early return.
From cindy42

To me2you

27 May 2010 8:35 PM
(108518)
I have sent you a pm. x
From cindy42

To jimboman

27 May 2010 8:55 PM
(108519)
Thanks Jim for responding. I agree with this statement..'moving them around the planet a few times in their early years will not do them any good at all.' that is why i feel like i'm having a nervous break down. The guilt of wanting to go back when i can see how happy the kids are. It crushes me. I have always been the strong one in my family...In my younger days i was referred to as a natural leader..achieved so many things, so to feel like this is so unexpected. thanks again for your comments, it's good to get differing views. x
From Marshy

To cindy42

27 May 2010 11:32 PM
(108521)
You see I disagree with Jim on that one. I was an RAF kid and went to 4 primary schools and 3 high schools. It did me no harm at all and if it wasn't the fact I wanted to earn money rather than study I would have come out of school with 3 good A Level results on top of my 7 A & B O Levels. My own 12 year old since starting school at 4 has been to 4 primary schools. She is a straight A student. It all depends on the age you move them. I think up to about 12 you are fairly safe but once the teenage years come then attachments to people and places have formed and you could be facing tough times ahead. Plus kids usually pick up vibes from parents. I know one kid that comes out with stuff about Australia that they have clearly heard from their mother who is very unhappy here. It is only natural to pick up good and bad vibes from parents. Good luck with your decision either way.
From Paul_F

To Marshy

28 May 2010 1:42 AM
(108522)
Good point Marshy. I saw some evidence once that kids who get moved around from country to country generally do better at school. We've moved from the UK to Australia and back to the UK, and our girls have coped with each change of school admirably. Kids are generally far more adaptable than adults.
From jimboman

To Marshy

28 May 2010 5:43 AM
(108523)
You may do well at school, I did, but you don't form many lasting friendships. You get used to being shunted from here to there and having the rug pulled out from under you just as you start to get settled. I always felt like a bit of an outsider at school (I went to six different schools up till the age of 16). That said, I am very adaptable and I am not afraid to change jobs (unlike some people I know who have worked 20 years in the same place).
From Marshy

To jimboman

28 May 2010 9:12 AM
(108525)
Again Jim I think that depends on the sort of person you are but do agree in part. I have a handful of friends that I met at my first primary school in 1975 that I am still in touch with now. You get what you put in. I do however agree it makes you a more self sufficient, stand on your own two feet kind of person. I know many people who lived in the same place their entire life that couldn't manage without some kind of support to do even the simplest of things.
From verp

To Marshy

28 May 2010 3:55 PM
(108526)
Interesting point, I was an RAF kid as well, went to 10 different schools in the end, and did not like the feeling of being moved and continually making new friends. I think it does have an impact and not always good. I have never really settled in one location as an adult, moved around a fair bit always chasing the better job (or perceived lifestyle) no matter the location, suppose that
From Marshy

To verp

28 May 2010 6:10 PM
(108527)
Like I said it depends on the person. For me it had no impact, for you it did. Everyone is different.
From cindy42

To Marshy

28 May 2010 8:44 PM
(108528)
Thanks Marshy. I will keep folk posted on the outcome.
From jack2874

To Marshy

06 Jun 2010 11:13 PM
(108576)
What a great thread. Myself, wife and three kids have been in Perth since feb09 and we are returning to Newc
From coopersrfive

To cindy42

09 Jun 2010 6:19 PM
(108591)
most days ..... i am a boomerang pome but my heart is in the uk , i love Aus i love UK its my family i missi was very close to them and i now feel i am doing my children a dis service by not leetingthem enjoy the family that i enjoyed as i child. i love bonfire nights and all the traditions over here i have a fantastic job so in my mind i am always what should i do. it drives me nuts as i have gone back before and returned 5 years later and i have 3 kids , the eldest doesnt want to go back but the 8 year old has always said i will go when im old enough, and he misses his family ... unsure ???? Lauren
From jimboman

To coopersrfive

09 Jun 2010 6:43 PM
(108593)
I think Today Tonight is doing a show on BP's this week. I saw a clip yesterday but they didn't give a date. I understand those who come here, find they don't like it or miss the UK and family too much and end up going back. I can sort of understand those that do just that and then come back again because they realise why they came here (or escaped from the UK) in the first place. What does my head in, is the people who come here, go back, come here and then go back again (and maybe come back here a few years later). Either they like flying a lot, or they are just plain thick.
From Mindblower

To jimboman

09 Jun 2010 7:16 PM
(108597)
sympathize to some extent withthe guy on the programme All the hurdles to get over as a plumber to get in the country , then certs no good, offf to TAFE for mega expensive qualifications. UK certs should have same cred as OZ certs for specialist jobs ? Who knows re here, day to day. * Financially would have been massively better off in blighty..
From cindy42

To jimboman

09 Jun 2010 10:16 PM
(108599)
or wealthy...
From coopersrfive

To jimboman

10 Jun 2010 4:55 PM
(108605)
hi def not thick just love both places, and at times maybe as the kids grow and need different things from their family you revisit why one country would suit you more, that does not mean that a few years down the line you wont feel different, Lauren ps i always think when you are a little bit rocky like starting a new job (me this week) you crave the stability you left??
From jimboman

To Mindblower

10 Jun 2010 7:37 PM
(108608)
It is daft that a qualified UK plumber or gasfitter (who has been assessed by TRA to get a visa), can't work in WA without getting Aussie qualifications. However, I knew that before I came here and have been doing non plumbing work since I arrived. It's a bit like going back because it's too hot or because people pronounce pasty as parstee. A little bit of research could save a lot of pain. You can't research how much you would miss your family and mates, but you can research how to get a plumbing license and summer daytime temperatures.
From maddie111

To cindy42

11 Jun 2010 5:34 PM
(108618)
THANK GOD IT,S NOT JUST US...WE HAVE THOUGHT OF RETURNING TO THE UK MANY MANY TIMES. I TOTALLY DISAGREE ABOUT THE MEDICAL SIDE OF THINGS BEING BETTER IN THE UK. I,VE FOUND THE CARE HERE FAR GRWEATER THAN IN THE UK. MY DAIGHTER OF 3 SUFFERED A MAJOR BRAIN INJURY IN NOVEMBER, SHE WAS IN A COMA FOR 10 DAYS AND IN HOSPITAL FOR 3 MONTHS, SHE STILL ATTENDS HOSPITAL 2/3 TIMES A WEEK AND I CANT FAULT THE CARE SHE HAS HAD, THIS IS WHAT HAS KEPT US IN OZ. WE DONT THINK OUR DAUGHTER WOULD GET ANYTHING LIKE THE CARE SHE GETS HERE AS OPPOSED TO THE THE UK. SHE HAS PHYSIO, O.T AND SPEACH, SHE GOES TO KINDY AND HAS A PERSONAL CARER WITH HER ON THE DAYS SHE DOES GO TO KINDY. IN THE UK WE WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO GET THE LEVEL OF CARE SHE NEEDS, YES IT HAS LEFT US SKINT AS I CANT WORK AS I LOOK AFTER MY DAUGHTER AND SURVIVING ON 1 WAGE IS CHALLENGING T0O SAY THE LEAST... BUT WE GET BY. WE HAD A V GOOD STANDARD OF LIVING IN THE UK BUT I WOULDN,T GO BACK WHILST OUR DAUGHTER NEEDS THIS CARE. I DONT BELIEVE THE UK 'HAS GONE TO THE DOGS' BUT I DO BELEIVE ANYONE WHO GOES BACK WILL FIND IT WILL TAKE THE UK A VERY LONG TIME TO COME OUT OF THE RECESSION. EACH TO THEIR OWN AND YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER WHY YOU CAME, NORMALLY FOR OUR KIDS, IF THINGS HAVE CHANGED OR YOU JUST DONT FEEL LIKE YOU ARE 'HOME' THEN YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST AND DISCUSS IT WITH ALL YOUR FAMILY, BUT EVEN IF COMING HERE MAKES YOU APPRECIATE WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND IN THE UK THEN AT THE VERY LEAST YOU'LL KNOW, GOOD OR BAD, WHAT YOU,RE MISSING, SO TO ANYONE RETURNING, HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH AND BE PROUD YOU GAVE IT A SHOT.